Sunday, October 02, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
Postboxes
There must be a name for that particular anxiety I experience every time I walk past a postbox that there is a letter I have forgotten to post.
Friday, July 08, 2005
London
This has been a defining week for the way I feel about my adopted city.
On Wednesday 6 July, I was immensely - and surprisingly - proud that we had won the Olympics.
On Thursday 7 July, and today, I was immensely proud of the way we have reacted to the inevitable attack. We took a blow, but we're back on our feet again already. We allowed them one day's disruption, but this morning, on our once again running public transport, we were stoic and determined to go about our business.
London is as hard as nails. The terrorists didn't manage to extract much terror.
I've always had a slightly detached attitude towards this place, the city where I have lived for more than a decade now. Home still felt like somewhere else a couple of hundred miles away. This week, I've realised that this is home.
And I am proud to say I live here.
On Wednesday 6 July, I was immensely - and surprisingly - proud that we had won the Olympics.
On Thursday 7 July, and today, I was immensely proud of the way we have reacted to the inevitable attack. We took a blow, but we're back on our feet again already. We allowed them one day's disruption, but this morning, on our once again running public transport, we were stoic and determined to go about our business.
London is as hard as nails. The terrorists didn't manage to extract much terror.
I've always had a slightly detached attitude towards this place, the city where I have lived for more than a decade now. Home still felt like somewhere else a couple of hundred miles away. This week, I've realised that this is home.
And I am proud to say I live here.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Sunday
On my ideal Sunday I never leave the house. Even the garden is too far. The corner shop is a journey not to be contemplated. On my ideal Sunday I start the day around noon with a light hangover, which gets steadily worse as the day goes on, rendering me by early evening useless, devoid of energy, crawling back to bed. Plans made to achieve things are abandoned. The evening meal comes on a bike.
Not so today, when a horrific two hour spell found me first in B&Q buying paint, then in Sainsbury's shopping for food and toiletries. This is uncharacteristic behaviour. But our house is a dump and needs fixing. We have lived cheerfully amidst its squalor for eight years, but now we need to brighten it up, because we hope to sell it. As for Sainsbury's, it appeared that by some oversight, there was nothing resembling a perishable substance in the house. For the weekend, a deal was struck. On Saturday we would go to Oxford, look at some art and drink beer, but only on condition that on Sunday we would do these grim things.
It was an exhausting business, undertaken on the hottest day of the year, but we stuck at it, and at the end I felt virtuous, and strangely normal. This is what normal people do. I then threw away the momentum by doing precisely nothing for the rest of the day.
As an aside, as we were going about these chores, we saw seven men with no shirts on.
Not so today, when a horrific two hour spell found me first in B&Q buying paint, then in Sainsbury's shopping for food and toiletries. This is uncharacteristic behaviour. But our house is a dump and needs fixing. We have lived cheerfully amidst its squalor for eight years, but now we need to brighten it up, because we hope to sell it. As for Sainsbury's, it appeared that by some oversight, there was nothing resembling a perishable substance in the house. For the weekend, a deal was struck. On Saturday we would go to Oxford, look at some art and drink beer, but only on condition that on Sunday we would do these grim things.
It was an exhausting business, undertaken on the hottest day of the year, but we stuck at it, and at the end I felt virtuous, and strangely normal. This is what normal people do. I then threw away the momentum by doing precisely nothing for the rest of the day.
As an aside, as we were going about these chores, we saw seven men with no shirts on.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Revelation
Odd, the moments revelations choose to strike you. It was as I was entering the office door access code the other morning that I realised everything I have done in life is a search for the unconditional love and acceptance I did not find as a child. This may seem a commonplace observation, but to me it came as a moment of stunning insight.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Skin
I recently went to Porto, Portugal, where it was warm and sunny. I was mostly outdoors, and I enjoyed the sun. For a short time, I fancied I had a new and healthy glow about myself, which I looked forward to showing off to others. But I come from Northern England. People like me are of Viking stock. We are pale skinned, not supposed to be exposed to the sun's rays. People like me do not go brown. We go red and then peel. Since returning to London, the skin on my forehead has peeled, and my nose is war-zone ravaged. My body has rejected the sun. I will learn my lesson and stay indoors.
Monday, May 30, 2005
Teeth
I have recently, in short succession, lost two substantial bits of teeth. In this cradle of the welfare state, an expensive visit to the dentist looms. The two teeth are what I have always assumed were molars, one upper, one lower.
I realised, after this, that when tense or agitated, I clamp my jaw and press my teeth hard together. Walking around London streets, I have been grinding these teeth against each other. I'm going to miss them.
I realised, after this, that when tense or agitated, I clamp my jaw and press my teeth hard together. Walking around London streets, I have been grinding these teeth against each other. I'm going to miss them.
Nose
A girl on the tube the other day with a tragic, crooked nose.
Surprised she hadn't had an operation. Isn't that what people do these days?
Surprised she hadn't had an operation. Isn't that what people do these days?
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
First day back
“So. First day back?”
“Urgh. Yeah. Grim. Just fucking grim.”
“I know. That feeling waking up in the morning, knowing you’ll either go in or have to get another job. The horrible feeling you get in your stomach.”
“My legs were wobbly walking from the tube.”
“Ah well, at least we survived. After this it’s easy. The first day is all about endurance. Aim low. Get to the end.”
“So how’d you get through it? What d’you do all day?”
“Internet. I found myself googling around on the history of Malta. I read up on the Order of the Knights Hospitallier.”
“Oh?”
“Hmm. Very interesting, it turns out.”
“Right.”
“You?”
“Nightmare. Internet connection down all day.”
“Oh, fucking hell.”
“Couldn’t fucking believe it. First day back. Total nightmare.”
“So what d’you do?”
“Solitaire.”
“What, all day?”
“Mostly. I took an extended shit at one point.”
“Standard or Vegas scoring?”
“Vegas, of course.”
“Draw one or draw three cards?”
“Oh, got to be draw three. Where’s the fun in draw one?”
“Exactly.”
“Gotta be Vegas rules, draw three, every time.”
“Do you ever imagine it’s for real, and you’re doing on TV?”
“All the time.”
“And you do a commentary in your head?”
“That’s the best bit. I’m not a bad player, as it goes.”
“But don’t you ever…”
“What?”
“Don’t you ever feel bad about doing it in work’s time?”
“Nah. Firstly, it’s a shit job anyway. Secondly, they don’t fucking pay me enough. Third, it’s there on the computer. They provide it. If they didn’t want me to do it, they can always take it off.”
“Yeah, but what if you get caught?”
“Then at least I’ll have a skill to fall back on. Next stop, Vegas.”
“So how’d you get on?”
“Really shit, as it happens. Cards just wouldn’t come at all. Ended up being five thousand, one hundred and forty eight dollars down.”
“Don’t give up the day job.”
“Urgh. Yeah. Grim. Just fucking grim.”
“I know. That feeling waking up in the morning, knowing you’ll either go in or have to get another job. The horrible feeling you get in your stomach.”
“My legs were wobbly walking from the tube.”
“Ah well, at least we survived. After this it’s easy. The first day is all about endurance. Aim low. Get to the end.”
“So how’d you get through it? What d’you do all day?”
“Internet. I found myself googling around on the history of Malta. I read up on the Order of the Knights Hospitallier.”
“Oh?”
“Hmm. Very interesting, it turns out.”
“Right.”
“You?”
“Nightmare. Internet connection down all day.”
“Oh, fucking hell.”
“Couldn’t fucking believe it. First day back. Total nightmare.”
“So what d’you do?”
“Solitaire.”
“What, all day?”
“Mostly. I took an extended shit at one point.”
“Standard or Vegas scoring?”
“Vegas, of course.”
“Draw one or draw three cards?”
“Oh, got to be draw three. Where’s the fun in draw one?”
“Exactly.”
“Gotta be Vegas rules, draw three, every time.”
“Do you ever imagine it’s for real, and you’re doing on TV?”
“All the time.”
“And you do a commentary in your head?”
“That’s the best bit. I’m not a bad player, as it goes.”
“But don’t you ever…”
“What?”
“Don’t you ever feel bad about doing it in work’s time?”
“Nah. Firstly, it’s a shit job anyway. Secondly, they don’t fucking pay me enough. Third, it’s there on the computer. They provide it. If they didn’t want me to do it, they can always take it off.”
“Yeah, but what if you get caught?”
“Then at least I’ll have a skill to fall back on. Next stop, Vegas.”
“So how’d you get on?”
“Really shit, as it happens. Cards just wouldn’t come at all. Ended up being five thousand, one hundred and forty eight dollars down.”
“Don’t give up the day job.”
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