First day back

“So. First day back?”

“Urgh. Yeah. Grim. Just fucking grim.”

“I know. That feeling waking up in the morning, knowing you’ll either go in or have to get another job. The horrible feeling you get in your stomach.”

“My legs were wobbly walking from the tube.”

“Ah well, at least we survived. After this it’s easy. The first day is all about endurance. Aim low. Get to the end.”

“So how’d you get through it? What d’you do all day?”

“Internet. I found myself googling around on the history of Malta. I read up on the Order of the Knights Hospitallier.”

“Oh?”

“Hmm. Very interesting, it turns out.”

“Right.”

“You?”

“Nightmare. Internet connection down all day.”

“Oh, fucking hell.”

“Couldn’t fucking believe it. First day back. Total nightmare.”

“So what d’you do?”

“Solitaire.”

“What, all day?”

“Mostly. I took an extended shit at one point.”

“Standard or Vegas scoring?”

“Vegas, of course.”

“Draw one or draw three cards?”

“Oh, got to be draw three. Where’s the fun in draw one?”

“Exactly.”

“Gotta be Vegas rules, draw three, every time.”

“Do you ever imagine it’s for real, and you’re doing on TV?”

“All the time.”

“And you do a commentary in your head?”

“That’s the best bit. I’m not a bad player, as it goes.”

“But don’t you ever…”

“What?”

“Don’t you ever feel bad about doing it in work’s time?”

“Nah. Firstly, it’s a shit job anyway. Secondly, they don’t fucking pay me enough. Third, it’s there on the computer. They provide it. If they didn’t want me to do it, they can always take it off.”

“Yeah, but what if you get caught?”

“Then at least I’ll have a skill to fall back on. Next stop, Vegas.”

“So how’d you get on?”

“Really shit, as it happens. Cards just wouldn’t come at all. Ended up being five thousand, one hundred and forty eight dollars down.”

“Don’t give up the day job.”